BTW - "they" lie

I know I read somewhere once the story of the "house of 'they'," but whoever "they" are, "they" are also liars. "They"say that it gets easier each time you leave (or your loved one does) but I don't think it does. I'm certainly not a novice at this experience, and I still cry every time.

For anyone who reads this and doesn't know our history, F & I have never spent an unbroken year together in the same place, the whole time. We met in London, the day after I arrived for a two year tour, while he was half way through his two year tour. We started dating in August, and I went home for Christmas, while he stayed in London hosting his parents. By June, he was gone, back to the states to go to school and I remained in London, where he came to visit once, and I came to see him once.

The following June, I left London and returned to the states. When I found a job in NH, I moved there, and F was in school in the same town, so that was good, although he went home to MA for summers and most holidays. Even since we married in May 2004, we have been apart a lot. From his time at the police academy (M-F for 12 weeks? in 2005) to deployments (Kuwait 2006-8mos, this one-8mos), I cry every time he leaves. And if anything, it gets harder.

I think in part it is harder because of the kids now. I know on some level that much of the acting out that follows him leaving is a lack of ability to vocalize how they feel when he leaves/is gone. But its frustrating because even though I know the problem, there isn't anything I can do to fix the problem. I know that we signed on for this, knew what we were getting into, etc. etc. etc. but again, knowing it and being able to deal with it are different animals.

So, we plot his return and have started the countdown. At some point I need to figure out exactly when we'll return to MS. C isn't the best car rider (although he isn't the worst either) so it will be a different drive for sure. I need to think long and hard about when to travel - I don't want to deal with winter driving if I can help it, but we'll see how things go.

On a more positive note, C is 4 weeks old today. He can hold his head up quite well, and I'm amazed at how fast he's growing! Although he seemed to swim in his big Britax carseat (Wizard) at birth, I actually had to raise the headrest the other day, so he's filling that out for sure. He's outgrowing clothes left and right and is starting to look more like a little baby than a newborn, if that makes sense.

Going too fast!

I know I sound a bit like one of the kids, but why is it the countdown to something good (like Daddy coming home) lasts sooooo much longer than the time or event you've been waiting for? I know that 12 days is not nearly long enough for any of us, but now I'm starting to feel sad and trying to prepare the kids for Monday morning, when F flies out again to Okinawa. I know that H will not understand, although he did say we need to start another countdown calendar for when Daddy comes home again, so perhaps that was a hit after all.

I am just a wimp and can't face the prospect of a countdown that lasts into the hundreds, so perhaps we'll do one for Halloween, Thanksgiving and then Christmas, then daddy coming home, or at least one that incorporates those dates as well. Otherwise, the large number of days that drag on between now and then would just be too overwhelming for me.

I've been spoiled having F home, and just can't face the idea of him leaving again so soon, although I always knew our time would be short for now.