Nearly there

Well, we have "only" a week remaining. In the larger scope of eight months I suppose that it won't be that long, particularly with what we've been through in this eight months, but its bittersweeet to have him coming home so near to the holidays, yet not in time for the holidays - particularly when this year the kids finally started to "get it" in terms of Santa and presents and so on. (I base the statement that they really "get it" on their reluctance to take down the decorations or the train we set up under the tree because they want it there for "when Santa comes back.")

So, tomorrow my mom leaves and by the time we return from New Orleans, the day will be over - one more down in a long string of days that loomed endlessly before us at the start of this blog. Haven't decided if I'll continue here, or create a "homeport blog" or consider the name to be a daily mantra appreciative of every day that we are able to share with F once he's home - more of a coming home from the daily grind, than the long deployment.

In any case, seven days and hopefully (as of now) he'll be home, but as always that will be subject to the whims of the military, the command and I'm sure the weather.

Musings of age

I was thinking last night as I snuck in a quick bath that I should be thinking profound thoughts and analyzing my life in some way today. Rather I was rushing to get my hair washed before C woke up hungry or K had a nightmare or H got bored with late night cartoons on Boomerang. That's about as profound as things get around here these days, although I was also debating finding myself a good quality face cream to keep the age lines from showing, but for now I guess I'll just accept them as part of me - as the kids do and my husband will if he ever gets home.

The kids and I went and made welcome home signs for F's return. The command puts them up all over the base so that people know the guys are home (and chicks too, but really there are only a relative handful of girls in the unit so let's get real, deal with being called one of the guys, you're in the military for goodness sake). It was nice, but they use house paint for durability, so I really wasn't thrilled with the kiddos "helping" if you know what I mean.

It seems odd that its less than a month until we have our big arrivals - dancin' grandma, the jolly fat man and last-but-certainly-not-least DADDY! Kind of seems like it will be a little bit of a let down after its all over, but we'll see what the new year brings.

The kids are getting a HUGE (for them) play kitchen for Christmas. I got a pretty good deal on one, I think and it just arrived. Hopefully I can figure out a way to set it up before Christmas Eve without them seeing it or grandma and I might be up most of the night assembling!

We're hoping to take the kids on a mini-vacation in January or February just because we can, and to give ourselves a break before returning to the real world - a kind of thank you to ourselves for surviving this deployment and thriving and growing.

In the meantime, I think we're going to get ourselves in the holiday spirit and go get a Christmas tree. Should be interesting trying to get a tree put up with the "helpers" here, but we'll see how it goes. So the tree ends up horizontal across the couch - whatever. We don't exactly have a Better Homes and Gardens kind of house as it is - more like something from Elmo's World (including the crayon walls - grrrr)!

Off to locate Christmas decorations and child-proof stuff to scatter about the house! And for anyone who is missing holiday cuteness...

OTR Again

Well, its finally time - the van is packed, the "stuff" is "stuffed" (instead of just the turkey) and its time to get on the road again. Early in the morning we're headed home. I don't know who is more excited, K or me, but we are all ready, I think to settle in at home and await the arrival of both big men - Santa and Daddy!

We've spent from Labor day to turkey day with the inlaws and it has been a complete God send being able to share C's birth and the task/joy of raising the three kids together, however it is certainly time to move on to our own place and our own lives again. C has never known a day without any one of several adults available to touch, pick up and hold him, and he might just be shell shocked to be stuck with "just" mommy for a while.

On a side note, it will be good to get out before the snow flies on Sunday night. Although we've had flurries off and on and it isn't a huge storm coming, it is enough to make me thankful that we're leaving now.

My next post will likely be delivered from the old homestead down south, and our internet is due to be installed on the afternoon of the 3rd. Wish us luck that Cable One doesn't bite us in the butt (again), as they seem to be the only show in town for non-dial-up on base. grrrrrrrr!

NF: Military makes sense

NEWS FLASH!!!! The military has done something that makes sense. Or perhaps it was Congress, which would make it even bigger news. When Frank was in the Reserves in Kuwait, he reenlisted. Recently, we received a letter stating that the bonus he received when reenlisting was due to be returned (meaning we needed to repay several thousand dollars) since he did not fulfill his RESERVE contract. OUCH!!!

I finally called again on it, I had always seemed to call after hours or at particularly busy times for them and never got through after an initial contact wherein they told me they couldn't talk to me until they had a copy of our Power of Attorney. Anyway when I got through today they said that there is a new policy, by which anyone who leaves the Reserves to go on active duty without a break in service would no longer be required to repay that Reserve bonus as long as the Active Duty contract would fulfill the time obligation for the Reserve contract bonus.

Long story short, we just wiped what would have been a large amount of debt off of our backs!!!! Wooo Hooooo!!!! I can move that payment into other areas of our budget where it will be well appreciated. Now THAT was a great phone call.

BTW - "they" lie

I know I read somewhere once the story of the "house of 'they'," but whoever "they" are, "they" are also liars. "They"say that it gets easier each time you leave (or your loved one does) but I don't think it does. I'm certainly not a novice at this experience, and I still cry every time.

For anyone who reads this and doesn't know our history, F & I have never spent an unbroken year together in the same place, the whole time. We met in London, the day after I arrived for a two year tour, while he was half way through his two year tour. We started dating in August, and I went home for Christmas, while he stayed in London hosting his parents. By June, he was gone, back to the states to go to school and I remained in London, where he came to visit once, and I came to see him once.

The following June, I left London and returned to the states. When I found a job in NH, I moved there, and F was in school in the same town, so that was good, although he went home to MA for summers and most holidays. Even since we married in May 2004, we have been apart a lot. From his time at the police academy (M-F for 12 weeks? in 2005) to deployments (Kuwait 2006-8mos, this one-8mos), I cry every time he leaves. And if anything, it gets harder.

I think in part it is harder because of the kids now. I know on some level that much of the acting out that follows him leaving is a lack of ability to vocalize how they feel when he leaves/is gone. But its frustrating because even though I know the problem, there isn't anything I can do to fix the problem. I know that we signed on for this, knew what we were getting into, etc. etc. etc. but again, knowing it and being able to deal with it are different animals.

So, we plot his return and have started the countdown. At some point I need to figure out exactly when we'll return to MS. C isn't the best car rider (although he isn't the worst either) so it will be a different drive for sure. I need to think long and hard about when to travel - I don't want to deal with winter driving if I can help it, but we'll see how things go.

On a more positive note, C is 4 weeks old today. He can hold his head up quite well, and I'm amazed at how fast he's growing! Although he seemed to swim in his big Britax carseat (Wizard) at birth, I actually had to raise the headrest the other day, so he's filling that out for sure. He's outgrowing clothes left and right and is starting to look more like a little baby than a newborn, if that makes sense.

Going too fast!

I know I sound a bit like one of the kids, but why is it the countdown to something good (like Daddy coming home) lasts sooooo much longer than the time or event you've been waiting for? I know that 12 days is not nearly long enough for any of us, but now I'm starting to feel sad and trying to prepare the kids for Monday morning, when F flies out again to Okinawa. I know that H will not understand, although he did say we need to start another countdown calendar for when Daddy comes home again, so perhaps that was a hit after all.

I am just a wimp and can't face the prospect of a countdown that lasts into the hundreds, so perhaps we'll do one for Halloween, Thanksgiving and then Christmas, then daddy coming home, or at least one that incorporates those dates as well. Otherwise, the large number of days that drag on between now and then would just be too overwhelming for me.

I've been spoiled having F home, and just can't face the idea of him leaving again so soon, although I always knew our time would be short for now.

Charles' birth story

This birth story would not be complete unless it began at 34w, even though the birth itself began more than six weeks later…

Having returned from a nine week hiatus from doctor visits, my return to the medical professionals assigned to care for baby and I through the process brought back to reality exactly how “managed” the process of bringing life into the world has become. I certainly don’t fault my doctor – I think she’s fabulous, in fact. However, I did respectfully disagree with her assertion that baby needed to be delivered within weeks 38-39 for the “best possible outcome” due to my diabetes. And so the weekly discussions began about premature extraction of this beloved babe, but bi-weekly testing ensuring that baby was still comfortable eased my mind and I knew that baby would come when baby was ready if we only let him.

At 37w, my first exam showed a small amount of dilation (1.5) and the doctor who did the exam swept my membranes, with my knowledge and consent, in an effort to get things moving. He said that he predicted that baby would arrive within four days. Thankfully, he was very wrong, as the events that followed would have been much harder for all of us had his assertion been correct.

A few days later, after no progress towards labor, we began hearing stirrings and rumblings of a hurricane headed to the Gulf Coast. Living in the heart of “Katrina Country” people were rationally nervous about the potential impact of this storm. I was informed that Keesler AFB would close the hospital and Mother/Baby Unit without advance warning if a determination was made that the storm was headed that direction, and was advised to evacuate somewhere that had a Labor and Delivery department at their hospital. Gee, thanks for that, at nearly 38w pregnant, I’d never have thought of that without the suggestion of the hospital administration.

So, after a few phone calls and much soul searching, and consultation with family, I made the decision to drive up to Massachusetts and have baby surrounded by family who would be able to support us, as well as H and K during my hospital stay. I found a hospital that allowed VBACs (Vaginal birth after cesarean section) and an OB practice who would agree to take on a high risk patient (diabetes and “advanced maternal age”) at 38w pregnant, who was evacuating from a potential hurricane.

And so we began our journey north from Mississippi to Massachusetts, with grandma-to-be along for the drive (and doing most of the driving), with my biggest fears being going into labor in West Virginia (don’t know why I was having nightmares about this unlikely possibility since WV is about 30 minutes of the 23 hour drive) and secondary would have been going into labor at all on the drive.

We arrived safely in MA and I met with a very engaging and encouraging doctor who felt there was no rush to have the baby, knowing my history and medical issues. I returned to bi-weekly Non stress tests (NSTs) and Biophysical Profiles (BPPs) and began the anxious baby-watching sessions. 39w came and went, as did the 40w mark, at which time even this doctor began to feel that it would be a good idea for baby to arrive sooner rather than later, and he set an induction date of Wednesday, September 17th. I was slightly heartbroken at the thought, but also ready to meet our new baby, and after a stressful few weeks, ready to be done, if baby was ready to arrive.

I really didn’t want to be induced. Monday night, my father-in-law and I took a ride in his truck down a bumpy road that he is convinced precipitated the arrival of Frank, baby’s daddy, 34 years before, and went to the drugstore in town to pick up castor oil to choke down to induce the onset of labor. By this point, I was pretty much willing to try anything other than doctor-induced labor.

That night, the kids and I snuggled in and I told them that if they woke up and I wasn’t there, that perhaps I had to go to the doctor to have baby, but that grandma or grandpa would be there to help take care of them or comfort them if they were scared. We all went to sleep before 10:00, a rarity these days, and neither of them woke for a while. I woke up around midnight feeling crampy. I thought it was, perhaps, the side effects of the castor oil, and headed to the bathroom since, well, castor oil is found in the laxative section, if you know what I mean.

For the next two hours I debated whether castor oil really was the most stupid thing I had ever tried, or if I was in labor. When I started having contractions that I couldn’t walk or talk through, I determined it was the latter, and realized that in all of our discussions about baby, hospitals, labor and so on, we had never really discussed the logistics of going into labor – who would drive to the hospital, how I would wake people up, etc.

The stairs at the in-laws are steep and narrow, and I really didn’t think I could make it up them between contractions (did I wait too long?). So, I turned on the light to the stairs outside of their bedroom and “knocked” on the wooden stairs, calling up to them. After a few minutes, my mother-in law came down and I told her I was calling the doctor on-call and that I thought we needed to take a drive to Pittsfield. The doctor on call was surprisingly alert for 2:15 a.m., an occupational hazard, I suppose and I lied and said the contractions were regular (they weren’t) and only a minute or two apart (they were).

And so we left for the hospital, making the 45 minute journey in about 25 minutes thanks largely to no traffic and a driver who kept asking, “Are you sure we don’t want to call an ambulance to meet us?” (God Bless her!) We checked in at about 2:45 a.m. and were rushed up to the Mother/Baby unit. By 3:00 I was “safely” ensconced in a hospital bed with fairly strong and regular contractions. Dilated to 5, I knew I wasn’t leaving without a baby and even then, it wouldn’t be that morning, but rather a day or so later when we were finally able to leave. I also knew we wouldn’t be keeping that induction appointment.

By the time I was dilated to about 7, 4:30 a.m. or so, I asked for some stadol, a lovely narcotic I was familiar with from Henry’s birth. Once I had that in my system, it was easier to relax through each resting period between contractions, and I was almost able to sleep in little 30-45 second bits (my “naps”). By the time 5:00 rolled around, I was starting to wonder why on earth people actually attempted labor when it was so much “easier” and less painful to have the baby extracted through c-section. By 5:15 I was annoyed that there weren’t better drugs available to laboring mothers. By 5:25, all I wanted to do was curl up on my side and take a nap. I mentioned it to the nurse, and she said, “go ahead and try.” As soon as I curled my legs up next to me to “sleep,” I felt baby shift and begin to arrive and I knew that my much desired nap would have to wait a bit longer.

Doc came in and after a few pushes, he told me to ease up or I’d tear, but by this point, all I wanted to do was push. I got baby’s head out, and doc wanted me to push, but I was between contractions on a short “nap” and refused for all of 15 seconds or so until the next few contractions and baby was out! Just before baby was born, I remembered to ask that no one tell me boy or girl, as Frank had always done this, and I didn’t want anyone else to do it. Instead, they gave me baby, pretty much right away and I held our little man, definitely a boy, while grandma cut the cord and they wiped him down a bit. Charles was born at 5:39 a.m. on September 16th.

I was able to nurse him, and snuggle him before he was taken for “just a minute” to get weighed and such. I asked why it couldn’t be done in the room and was very annoyed and concerned when they took him. I had a bad feeling, which I should have listened to. They gave Charles his first bath without me there, and I didn’t get to help or take pictures or anything. They also gave him a vitamin K shot, without my permission or knowledge and put unnecessary eye ointment in, again without asking me. All-in-all they had him for nearly two hours, all the while I kept asking where he was and why he was still not back. I didn’t know how much he weighed or how long he was, so while I made a few phone calls, I had no real news other than that he was a beautiful and perfect little man and that he was here.

When the nurse brought him back, she said she had gotten “busy” which was not a good enough explanation in my opinion, but alone and tired it was a little hard to work up my usual backbone to argue and besides, it had already been done so at this point it would be merely howling at the moon.

Grandma brought the kids to meet their new brother early that afternoon, and although they wanted to see me, I think they were pretty indifferent to the little bundle of brother in my arms. They much preferred the sticker books and crayons that the nurse gave them.

Just after noon, we moved into a different room and settled in. No internet access and a hospital policy of 48 hours if you don’t have visiting nurses benefits within your insurance policy made for a long stay, but they took pretty good care of us, although they were annoyed that I didn’t “need” any pain medications or other assistance (drug pushers!). I explained that I had stayed in the hospital a shorter period of time for my c-section and that I was very low maintenance, but all the same we were glad to leave on Thursday morning.

Charles in Charge!

Join me in welcoming Charles Joseph to our little family! He is a tall, skinny little man and utterly adorable! Now we await Daddy's visit to meet him!

Eviction pending

Well, baby is on alert that eviction is pending if he or she fails to make an appearance on his or her own by Wednesday. So, five days or less and we'll have three kids - gulp! At my appointment today, doc said that baby really needs to be born sooner rather than later or risk some of the complications that overdue babies face, combined with diabetes, "advanced maternal age," and blah blah blah, the benefits of induction are now outweighing the risks and I feel a little more inclined to agree to it.

I'm currently dilated to 2.5-3ish and still only 50% effaced, but progress is progress and at least that means that according to the doc if we do have to resort to induction, it will not involve the gel, just the pitocin and possibly rupture of membranes at some point. The pitocin does increase the risk of tears and such from the c-section scar, but its about all I can do for now.

We'll see how it goes - hopefully baby comes before then anyway. Uncle C is still holding out hope for his birthday tomorrow. Doc did sweep membranes today, which is likely to lead to labor in theory, however nothing yet and its been five hours, so here's to holding out hope...

'Nother day, 'nother NST

Friday was fabulous, and I was pretty impressed by the new doc. He questioned me as to why my other doc was so keen to induce, and since I barely understood I told him I was as baffled as he. He said that he will let me go to 41w before mentioning induction, and then it would be brought up as an option if I were concerned and if conditions were entirely favorable.I asked about VBAC policies in their practice, and he said VBACs are the norm across the board, and that the only thing the partners diverge upon is Breech deliveries, as only 2 docs in their practice will do them (he is one). I wanted to just die right there and go to heaven (not that this baby is breech).

He said I am 1.5 cm dilated still and 50ish% effaced, but that baby is still pretty high above the pelvis, and that there should be no reason to expect baby to come soon other than the fact that baby is due to arrive soon. I loved that answer!

He also said he'd put together a little brief for the other docs in case they didn't have time to review my entire file (all 16 pages) so they knew my situation should I turn up in labour before they have a chance to meet me. He really was reassuring across the board and I feel pretty good. He said that he saw no reason a VBAC wouldn't progress normally, and no reason to induce, even the diabetes, at any point before 41w+. Woohoo! A non-interventionist MD!!!!!

Well, Saturday brought another regularly scheduled NST (since I hadn't had one since leaving MS) and of course, it was non-reactive as usual. Baby just HATES those tests. So, they had a radiologist come in for an ultrasound Bio-physical Profile (BPP), which was fine. Baby is just over 7lbs right now, so that is a good thing, and all of the markers were good so they cut me loose again.

This morning was the best NST I've had, largely because I had a whopper of a contraction just before they were going to send me for another BPP, and baby's heart did the proper acceleration and then some. So, in and out in 45 minutes, which is definitely a record for this kiddo. And since the contractions are picking up a little, there is a good chance baby will decide to show his or her face at some point in the near future (or not, stubborn little bugger - don't know where he gets that!). Not yet to that "I'm so done being pregnant" stage, but not too far off either.

Uncle C still thinks that this baby will be born on his birthday, Saturday, which is the baby's "due date" so we'll see! Hoping for a non-Thursday baby simply because I don't want the poor kiddo to be a 9/11 baby on so many levels! But, baby will, as is his or her tendency thus far, do as baby wants!

Why so difficult?

So, when I was out and about on my excursion earlier in the summer, about half way through I remembered to call and suspend our cable and internet to lower the bill while we were gone. In preparation for evacuation, I briefly thought about adding turn in cable box/internet modem to my list of things to do, and decided against it, because I wanted access to the news for as long as possible prior to leaving, and had we turned in the boxes, we might have lost the ability to know what was going on that last day or two.

I called today to suspend our cable and was VERY rudely told by a Cable One representative that they have a policy of not suspending service, and that they don't disconnect unless you return the boxes and so forth. I tried to explain that we have traveled outside of the area in an effort to avoid Gustav and were unable to turn things in before we left, and was VERY rudely told that they are a corporation and that this simply is not their problem. Either I pay each month while I am gone or they will charge my for the equipment and for breaking the contract of service that I signed.

I told her that I didn't sign a contract, and that I never spoke to a single Cable One representative with the exception of calling to have it reinstalled, much less sign anything. She told me to find a copy of the contract and read it again. I said, find a copy of the contract wth my signature on it! In any case, the whole thing has been resolved by me telling them to bill me for the equipment, and that I would refuse to pay it, but that I demand my cable/internet be cancelled immediately. I intend to follow up on this with Cable One at a later date, but my blood pressure couldn't handle speaking with this ignorant woman a moment longer.

Follow up to that, I call Tricare (our insurance company) to ensure that my medical appointment tomorrow will not be a problem, only to be told that there is a blanket referral in the wake of Gustav that is in place from Aug 29-Sep 12. Uh, my due date is Sep 13, so if I go to or past my due date, will this all not be covered? No, simply call on Sep 12 to ensure that they annotate a conversation to the effect that I am due at any day and unable to travel. Well, duh! Can't we annotate that now? No.

I'll not be calling any other customer service centers for a few days because I don't know that I can bite my tongue and am not in the right frame of mind to behave.

LOVE Continental Air

Okay, actually I am indifferent to whether or not they retain pillows or rent blankets or offer free coffee, because what they DO that is fabulous is change flights for military members whose wives are displaced by hurricanes without charging the $350 change fee! Of course, we had just booked F's flight home for October so he can meet baby the week before we were evacuated. I had expected a change fee of a hundred dollars or so, but was in absolute tears at the thought of the fees listed on Orbitz. I called the airline directly, was connected almost immediately with a live person and was told a similar fee. I explained our situation and after brief consultation with her supervisor, the representative was able to waive the fee and change his ticket for the difference in fare - in our case $17.00. This restores my confidence in the goodness of people and even the understanding of corporations to a degree.

So, with that major step complete, and being settled in at the in laws, we now return to awaiting baby's arrival, followed by daddy's arrival with a lighter heart and easier mind. The local doctor's office is not interested in or able to see me until Friday, so I will relax and wait out the rest. I suppose I should at some point deal with insurance companies to make sure that is set, but I think I'll wait on that for another day!

On the road again

Okay - so we're headed out! My mother-in-law is here, and we have the van packed. Everything is inside except the people at this point, so we're out of here. I got my laptop back just in time, so I'll have that with me on the road, but don't know how much I'll access it. I think we're going to try and crank out as much of this trip in one shot as possible.

Wish us luck, and pray for us and for those who have already left, are leaving soon and those who are chosing not to leave.

Packing it in

That's it. I'm done. Come Saturday we are heading to MA to the in laws until after baby comes. The uncertainty of hurricane season is outweighing the uncertainty of finding and utilizing a new doctor and new facilities at 38w pregnant, so the kids and I will be packing up tomorrow and Saturday and driving to the Berkshires for a lovely autumn in New England.

Hopefully, baby will take his or her time and arrive once we have settled in a touch. I won't be able to use the local hospital, rather have a 45 minute (roughly) drive to the "big city" once in labor, but after weighing all options, it really does seem to be the best idea for all of us. I hope to return home about two weeks after baby comes so that Daddy can meet the little one and catch up with the bigger kiddos.

H is just mad because he wants to stay and see Elmo next week, who is coming to the Keesler (Gustav permitting) on tour. I just told him about it yesterday, and when I asked him if he'd like to go see Grandma and Grandpa for a little while, he said, "No, thank you. I just wanna go see Elmo and Cookie." When asked, K said, "No, thank you. I want to stay at my house and watch Pablo/'Niqua." (The Backyardigans) At least they were polite in their refusal to accept reality!

As if there weren't enough

apparently there is a good chance that Tropical Storm/soon-to-be-Hurricane Gustav is likely headed our way, depending on tracking. Lovely! I called the L&D peeps, and they said they don't really close until the base CO says to close, then they immediately stop taking patients and make arrangements to transfer all current patients to other hospitals and such. Lovely!

I have briefly considered induction this week to be "done" but if things went badly and I ended up with a c-section, I would not be allowed to drive for 2 weeks, which would make evacuation afterwards with the kiddos impossible. And if things went well, even travelling feeling pretty good with a newborn and two toddlers does not sound very appealing.

So, now I look at my options and plan to pack things up to be on the safe side - photos, important papers, clothes for the kids (all three of them?) and myself. I'm also trying to plan food and drink for the car, toys and other entertainment. I am almost thinking I'll pack almost exactly as I did for our road trip around the country earlier this summer, only adding clothes for the new monkey and a few post-partum things for myself. If, God-forbid, this is another Katrina-type storm, I will likely not be back here for a while so I need to be prepared for that possibility.

Now, where to go...

37w 2d and...

I missed my doctor's appointment with my regular doc. There was a traffic fatality on the highway that I take to get to Keesler, and the detour (the only one I could find) was backed up to the point that I spent over an hour and thirty-five minutes to get there, when it normally takes me 35-40. I called in, and they couldn't get me in later, so they simply scheduled me for next week.

Seemed kind of odd that last week it was imperitive to be induced this week or my child could die, and this week it isn't even necessary to meet with the doctor. So, I simply went to my NST and baby did really well quickly, which was a relief. It did take a while to get cleared by the doc on call, but then he did a quick scan to check fluid levels, and also briefly addressed my (minor) concern about aging placenta, which proved to not be an issue at this point, which is good. He also encouraged me to consider induction, and offered to check for dialation, which he did. Things are moving on their own right now and so far I'm dialated to 1 or 1 1/2. That is kind of scary because that was how far I was dialated when I went into labor with H, and he was born four hours later.

So, perhaps this is the week after all if baby decides to come on his or her own. I am just really hoping to avoid a "labor day" baby just because the crazy irony of the name - laboring on labor day? No thanks!

Battle for baby

So the battle rages on, and a healthy baby is the "prize" that we all seek. No one could argue that there is any ill intent or ill will on either side, just a disagreement as to what the "right" thing to do might be. I don't pretend to be overly brave or sure of my position because of some study or statistic, but rather I am comfortable where we are because I feel baby within me, moving and stretching and growing each day and because in my heart I don't feel that either of us are ready for this baby to be earthside.

Doc on the other hand, is honestly not coming from a place of evil or negative intent, rather I think she is approaching the subject from a position of fear. She is truly afraid that allowing a mom who is diabetic to carry a baby to term places a higher risk of "unexpected fetal death." Perhaps the statistics bear this out to be true, however those are theories and ideas based on studies, and not based on THIS baby or THIS instance. THIS baby is moving and growing and THIS baby's heart is pumping (as I hear for hours twice a week).

While I respect and understand her fears, I don't share them and I refuse to allow them to become a part of MY reality because I don't like to live my life and base my decisions on fear. There are a million things out there that one can fear and I just don't feel like childbirth can or should be one of them. Childbirth and pregnancy is not a medical condition, but rather a part of life and a part of life that people have been actively engaged in (thank Goodness) for many years.

Some things that struck me as odd in our conversation today include the fact that Doc admits she would not be requesting, much less insisting on induction if I were not diabetic, and that she would, in fact be hesitant to allow induction in conjunction with my quest for a VBAC. She also said that she feels my chances of a VBAC, even if conditions are unfavorable in general for induction, are still good because of my medical history. In my mind these two statements do not mesh and cannot coexist on the same page because diabetes and VBAC have virtually nothing to do with one another (Other than, perhaps a higher failure rate of VBAC due to larger babies due to diabetes). Either one is willing to induce regardless of VBAC status or one is not. To my mind, there is some level of dissonance in the logic that cannot be explained.

Doc wanted to do an amnio this week to determine lung maturity. Again, this doesn't make sense to me, because if the lungs are mature, then there is no need for an amnio. If the lungs are not mature, and the amnio initiates labor, then you are simply knowingly creating a situation in which you are initiating the birth of a baby who is not ready to be born, to see if baby is ready to be born. Dissonance.

After 39w, Doc said that an amnio will not be done because by that point, baby will be ready to be born and the odds of lung immaturity at that point are no greater than if baby were born at 40w (term). She asked for an amnio next week, so that we can induce at 38w, but again I just don't see where this makes sense.

So, for now, I stick to my guns, armed and ready for battle to keep this baby until BABY is ready to arrive, not simply until doc is ready and afraid to no longer allow nature to take its course.

Peaceful revelation

So I met with my doula today and it was fabulous! She has attended a few VBAC births with my doc and only one transfer to OR and that was due to VERY high BP in the mother (240/140 or something) and that was after allowing her to labor for over 4 hours. So, I am very encouraged. I also had the chance to discuss something that has been nagging at me, and I finally was able to verbalize it, and wanted to share.

A few weeks ago, my doc brought up induction at around 37w due to my diabetes and the increased risk of stillbirth in diabetic babies. Ever since then, I have allowed my thoughts on this birth to be molded to think that I only have a few weeks left. In reality though, my due date is not until 9/13. Therefore I still have nearly a month (29d) until I am actually DUE. I know that any interventions in terms of induction, etc. will reduce the likelihood of a successful VBAC, and yet I have allowed one conversation about possible induction to color my thinking and alter my perception as to when baby is due.

I meet with my doctor on Monday (@ 36w 2d) and fully intend to let her know that I want to enjoy my last 27ish (not 7ish) days of this PG in peace without constantly rushing through what should be a really special time. Hopefully she will agree, since I have no other medical options at this point aside from skipping scheduled appts etc. which seems childish and extreme.

Just wanted to share this revelation and realization that I have several more weeks to enjoy this baby in utero before I worry about eviction and begin to enjoy this kiddo earthside!!

Technology stinks

Today was the fifth Non-stress Test (NST) on this little one's heart and body. And the third one in a row where he or she has decided to be uncooperative. During an NST, the machine looks for a certain number of heart accelerations (generally 3-4 in a 20 minute period) following fetal movement or contractions. For whatever reason, the "target" is a rise of 15 beats per minute. Baby's baseline tends to be about 140, so they are looking for the heart rate to rise above 155 and remain there for a given length of time before returning to baseline.

During the first NST that was "non-reactive" baby's heart rate actually decelerated a few times and I ended up on the machines for nearly four hours all told. On Monday, I spent an hour and change, and they ended up "buzzing" baby with an acoustic annoyance that is supposed to make the poor bugger squirm, which did finally work enough to get baby to perform as required. Today, another nearly two hour test, during which time baby decided that even a buzzer isn't enough to get the old heart rate pumped up. And yet, I am home today, safe and sound and no one was concerned.

Which leads me to question the need for these silly tests. I mean, if we can have a test that is not indicating what they'd like for it to indicate and no one is concerned, then why bother doing the silly test? It seems to me either there is something to be gained from the tests or there isn't, and if they are repeatedly non-reactive, and no one is concerned because the heart rate is still strong and baby is moving and such, then why subject myself to the hours on the machine and "stress" of a non-stress test?

My doctor is going to LOVE me on Monday when I see her bright and early with my latest idea of foregoing further NSTs. She already realizes that I am a little looney when it comes to testing and interventions, so this one might send her over the edge with me! Ah but what a lovely trip it will be!

Too soon

Okay, note to the little one in my tum...

Please do not attempt to depart any time soon. You still need to hang out with me for at least another 3 weeks before your jail break. Pulling stunts like you did last night at the non-stress test, where your little heart decided it would be a good time to decelerate a few times is not funny. This type of behavior will not be tolerated. Please do not try this again.

Over the next three weeks, your assignment is to continue to grow, practice breathing and fully prepare yourself for the outside world. Raising mommy's blood pressure and stressing her out will NOT allow you to meet her any earlier, but rather will result in a less pleasant greeting than the one currently planned for you, including the possibility of forced extraction - which you would likely not find pleasant.

Mommy is excited to meet you too, however she wants you to be ready for all of the excitement, including a very anxious brother, who has repeatedly told you that you are too little to come out yet (get used to him saying you're too little for stuff - you'll hear that for YEARS to come) and a semi-oblivious sister, who will likely wallop you on a regular basis if you get out of line. Therefore, it is truly in your best interest to stay put for at least several more weeks.

Thank you for your cooperation and STAY PUT!

Love, Mommy

Guess I should get ready

So, this recent "scare" about induction in three weeks or so has made me realize how very NOT ready I am to have this kiddo. Not that I am not physically ready, I mean I am HUGE and the turkey baster button that is my belly says time's up, but as far as baby "stuff." I did go out today and buy a coming home outfit for baby if he's a boy - its green with brown trim and writing that says "mommy's new man" which I thought was kind of appropriate since F is gone and all. I already found a girlie one at Children's Place when I was in NH, so that is now pretty much done.

I went into the closet and pulled out the newborn gender neutral outfits I could find and threw them into the wash along with all of the newborn cloth diapers and covers that I have. Those are drying, and I guess its time to finish emptying the baby dresser from K's closet and put things away in there. I think that will give me a better feel for what I have and what I should look at buying, if anything. Although, if it stays this hot, we won't need clothes for this kid, since its so stinking HOT I'll leave him or her to run nakey in a dipe as much as possible.

As for me, well, I guess I'm ready mentally. There doesn't appear to be much I need to do at this point, although I suppose I should grab some sweats and such for kicking around the hospital and things like that. There are all kinds of lists out on the web of things you "have to have" in the hospital and so on. I think, as long as I have a book or something and clothes and my camera, well, most everything else should provide itself. I don't really see a need for much else other than the baby outfits and such.

The kids, well, I need to get together with my friend that I plan to have watching them sooner rather than later so they can get used to her again and her kids again so that they feel slightly more comfy at their house, as needed. Hopefully, I won't be stuck at the hospital for more than a short while, a day or less if all goes well, and therefore it would be a short overnight for them, or perhaps less if I go into labor at night (assuming I avoid the induction issue entirely).

In any case, I guess I'm not as ready as I had hoped, but I'll get there and things will work out as they always do. I guess taking 9 weeks off may not have been a wise move so late in the game, but there are really very few moments of the trip that I would trade for anything, so I now live with those repercussions. As the kids favorite movie right now, "Meet the Robinsons" preaches, I'll "Keep moving forward" and it will all work itself out!

Back home, back online

Okay, so while the laptop is still banged up, at least the desktop is up and running, if not convenient for chasing two monkeys, getting caught up on e-mail, banking, etc., and accomplishing anything else. Its good to be home, and good to be back online with the conveniences of home (like cable and internet!). I have had two more appointments with my doctors - one for a fetal echocardiogram and one normal prenatal appointment.

The echocardiogram went really well, and the baby's small defect seems to have resolved itself for the most part. She said that it is more difficult to see through the ribcage now that baby's ribs are developing more solidly, and that there are shadows she had to look through/around and that there is a small chance a slight defect still exists, but she felt confident it had resolved itself.

I have also been a touch worried that this baby was breech because K was, and also because I've been feeling either a foot or a hand outside of my ribcage lately, and it turns out it was/is definitely a foot. Baby is head down and ready to come out and play soon. Toward that end, the high risk doctor would like for me to think about induction around 37 weeks if conditions are favorable. My initial thought is NO! I don't want to end up having a repeat c-section because baby is not ready to come out and we try to force the issue. Her logic centers on the increased possibility of stillbirth that comes with children of diabetic moms, which I will continue to research. I haven't heard much about this, and will therefore have to look at whether or not this is a realistic concern.

She also suggested an amnio at around 37 weeks to determine the readiness of the lungs. BUT since amnios can cause birth/labor, what if that amnio creates a birth situation in which baby will come before he or she is ready because we forced the issue and then has immature lungs, because we tried to see if the lungs were ready? Again, something I will have to look into before a decision is made.

All-in-all, the possibility now exists for a baby within the next 4-5 weeks, which is mind boggling, and I feel like I have much to do and miles to go before I sleep. I guess it works out well that I have already developed my late-term insomnia so that I will have plenty of time to think things through and search for information. I haven't confirmed arrangements for H and K yet, and I fear a repeat c-section that will require a hospital stay that is too much for them to handle, and too much for me as well. On a rational front, I know that it will all work itself out, but as with most things parenting, I think you tend to worry whether or not you're doing it all right. Maybe you never do, but you can't help but worry...

Like coming home

There is something about a place that just feels welcoming and inviting that makes you feel like you're home. For me, at this point, it is my in-laws house. Just coming into town, seeing the familiar shops and streets and finally their home makes me feel safe, comfortable and welcome in a way that nowhere else seems to do right now.

Needless to say, it was nice to get "home" last night. H remembered where every toy was hidden and every fun thing to do was stashed, and he too immediately made himself at home, breaking out most of the toys as well as the playdoh and paints (within a very short period of time). K took a few more minutes to get into the mix, but trust me when I say she remembers this place on some level as well, even though she was barely past one year when we visited last and is coming up on two before I can blink.

We're heading to the beaches of New Hampshire today, and I am really looking forward to the possibility of a little R&R in the midst of this exhausting journey. With sixty-some days to go 'til my due date, the long days of driving and running around are starting to catch up with me, I fear. Of course I hate to admit exhaustion, but the slowness of my body and quickness of my temper are both testaments to my quickly fading energy each day.

Both kiddos have been clamouring to get home lately ("Mom, I wanna go home," when asked what they want to do that day, although H sometimes alternates that with, "go to the zoo and see animals") and I can't say that I really blame them. We will spend the next few nights at the beach with family as we have done each year since they have been born, including when H was only a month old. Following that, we'll spend a few days here at the in-laws, then travel home to Mississippi.

I really hope that a few days at home will give us a chance to settle in and get back to normal, or as normal as we can without daddy around. (Of course, said routine will last only as long as baby-to-be stays put, then we have to find a new normal. Ah, the joys of military wife-hood.

On the road again

Okay - here I am up bright and early, coffee brewing, already showered and dressed, car is (nearly) loaded and after I figure out what I want to eat before we leave, I think we're hitting the road. I am slightly more apprehensive about this leg of our journey, but I also know that both of the kids are ready to get home, as am I.

Yesterday, H got upset about something or nothing, and went into the bedroom and started crying, which is completly unlike him. He didn't have tears, but was visibly upset and just looked like someone had killed his (non-existent) puppy. I went in and hugged him and asked what was up and he looked at me with an expression that will haunt me and said, "I just miss my daddy." Of course I couldn't help but cry and tell him that I miss him too. We talked for a few minutes and cuddled and tried to figure out what we'd like to do while waiting for daddy to come home or until he called again and we could talk to him. H swears that when F calls again, he wants to tell him how much he misses his daddy, but since he has been reluctant to even say hello lately, we'll see if that happens.

With the self-imposed stress of packing for the trip and things that will take place over the next few weeks, I'll admit to being tired and a little off my game, but this incidet with H threw me. He seemed to have recovered (have I?) and moved on and had a blast watching fireworks last night. We went to the school across the street and played on the playground until Mommy got a little nervous about K's lack of balance at night and being 5' off the ground, and we moved to a smaller/lower play area and the kids went on the swings and watched for a while. I don't think we saw many from the Fort, but there were plenty of private shows that were enormous and unbelievably expensive, I'm sure, and they just seemed to keep going, and lasted long enough to wear us all out (mostly).

And so I rise, bright and early, get showered and dressed and ready for the day. Maps are packed, toys and clothes all stashed into the van, and all that is missing is a bit of last minute laundry and the monkeys. Wish us luck and pray for us over the next week of driving adventures! We should be at the family reunion for Thursday, and my cell is always on (signal, well, I can't guarantee that I'll have that).

Been a few days

We're all moving on in the next few days. F is heading to Papua, New Guinea and the kids and I are off on another road trip here in a few days. We're in the process of packing up the toys and clothes and miscellaneous equipment required to travel with small children, and having a tough time dealing with cherished items being packed up for the next few days.

I think each of them will get a box of "stuff" that they are allowed to destroy and re-pack for the next few days, and they can each chose which treasures will go into those boxes. Beyond that, its all getting stuffed into the car again for another adventure.

Although its inevitable, we seem to have a great deal more "stuff" than we did when we arrived, to the point that I am seriously considering boxing some of it up and sending it along home. My only fear there is that the temporary forward I put on the mail will end up returning it all here, as the USPS does its highly efficient job of reading simple requests (no offense Auntie A!)

As for the purpose of this whole journey, the new Mr. and Mrs. S are on their mini-moon to Bonneville Hot Springs, to be followed by the official honeymoon in December to the warmer climes of Mexico. The bride was beautiful and I only hope that the flower girl didn't steal the show. I apologized in advance for the photographers taking as many photos of K as they did the bride and groom (or so it seemed). Not really my fault that the photographer fell in love with her cute little face! She was quite the ham, and I swear half of the table cameras probably have K playing with bubbles too.

The ceremony itself was beautiful, and it was tough for many not to cry - even the minister/stepfather of the groom. A's dad couldn't get the "her mother and I do" out when asked who gave her away. The new bride and groom did wonderfully, and the guests will never know that the silly Maid of Honor who offered to take care of holding on to the Bride's vows until the ceremony walked out to the staging area without them and had to do a mad dash (29 weeks pregnant in high-heeled flip flops) back to the Bride's prep room to retrieve them just in time to walk out with the Best Man. Okay, so not my finest hour, but we got them in time and didn't miss a step!

Following the wedding, the kids got to play with their cousins (H says they are his new best friends, not his cousins). We even managed to make the trek to the top of Multnomah Falls, which is not a bad hike unless you attempt it with 4 children aged 6, 3 1/2, 3 and nearly 2 years old! Dedicated hikers, they are not! K stayed in her carrier for the most part - on the front on the way up (where she fell asleep) and on my back on the trip down, during which she pulled my hair and sang to me. The boys all did really well, but wow, that was a long one mile in each direction!

H is very sad that his new best friends are gone, and I think all of us are ready to get moving on the next portion of our adventure. We had intended to wait for Monday to leave, but now I think we're heading out Saturday sometime. Family reunion, here we come!

Cold & flu in Spring?

So, K and I have head colds to beat the band and now poor H is starting to get a runny nose. I was wondering how long it would take before all of our travels and the weather changes and the new germs acquired along the way caught up.

But, we're going to try to tough it out and we're heading out on the rails today for H's birthday celebration continuation. Th Chelatchie Prairie Railroad will take us to a waterfall where we can walk around and splash in the water and such. When we return, hopefully H will nap for a few so we can get his balloons inflated so that when he wakes from his nap he gets the full on Buzz party he is hoping for. And hopefully the fresh air will do us all some good and get this cold out of our systems!

40 days, 40 nights

No, its not Lent, and no I haven't misread the calendar; rather Frank has now been gone for 40 days and tonight will be the 40th night. It is also H's third birthday, although, if you ask him, he's still just turned twelve. Today was a fun filled day, that started with H's final swimming lesson of the session. He got a certificate (award) stating that he was a Pre A swimmer, and a list of skills he can do.

After swimming, he asked for pancakes (there is a big surprise) and strawberries, so we went out to breakfast for the Birthday Boy's requested breakfast. We squeaked in to Grandma's house just in time to get ready for our big afternoon trip. We packed some sandwiches and snacks and piled back into the van with Grandma for a trip to the ZOO!!!!! We got to check out most of the animals (elephants, giraffes, zebras, eagles and bears were among the favorites) then hit the Zoo Train that takes you to Washington Park and the playground there. Daddy called as we were boarding the train and H told him about the animals and the train, and probably talked to him more than he has at any one time than since he left. After half an hour or so at the playground, we headed back to the zoo to see a few more animals, including penguins and sea lions.

Then, we went to the gift shop, and H got a new Dinosaur (T-Rex) that "eats" things by picking them up with his mouth at the end of a stick. K got a White Siberian Tiger kitty and both kiddos fell asleep on the way home.

To top the day off, I am under the distinct impression that the turkey baster on this baby is about to say that he or she is done baking. While my belly button never "popped" with H or K, I am feeling like that might happen with this kiddo, which just reinforces the notion that each pregnancy and each child is different. Also, a head cold that K and I have been experiencing is knocking us both out and making us feel crankier than normal. I've been super-dosing the kids with Vitamin C and I think they are feeling that as well. I hope it helps this pass quickly for K and skip over H altogether.

In any case, 40 days are down, and although I don't have a countdown yet for when he'll return, I think we've all gotten into a routine that will allow the next few months to pass quickly. On his end, he has stayed up late and gotten up early to call us so that he can hear those jealously guarded and softly whispered "I lulv you, dadda's" and "I misshyou" on those days that the kids will talk on the phone often preceded by many "no, I don't wanna talk's" or "my turn talk" followed by silence while holding the phone.

On our end, we've kept busy with swimming school and playgrounds or playlands, and trips to various local attractions and points of interest to the average 2-3 year old (or at least to our extraordinary 2-3 year old). Soon, the wedding celebrations will begin and end and then we move on to our next road trip and adventures.

Of Birthdays and (heaving sigh)

So, H's big third birthday is next week, and all he talks about is his "Buzz Birthday" and how he's going to have a Buzz cake and Buzz balloons and Buzz, buzzz, buzzzzz like a bee. Unfortunately, Buzz is just not the "in" thing right now and it has been next to impossible to fulfill every one of his requests, but we're working on it. By the way, if you ask him how old he's going to be on his birthday, he says twelve every time. I ask him if he means three and he says, "no, twelve."

I've found a design for the cake that I think I can work with, and will make it myself. He wants strawberry, and I found a pretty neat site with some tasty looking recipes for strawberry cake (among other things), so hopefully that will work well for us. I think I have cake covered. Buzz cake-check. Balloons, however, uh.... yeah I can only find those online and I'm not exactly sure how you get a mylar balloon filled if you order it online? The only place locally that I haven't tried is florists, which I just thought of, so perhaps today I'll be calling around to local florists to see who might have a Buzz Lightyear balloon.

Aside from pre-occupation with birthdays, we've been trying to keep busy in the rainy, freezing weather. Perhaps I became too acclimated to the south too fast, but now its downright freezing here. Seriously - its snowing on Mount Hood and they are still skiing (pesky pregnancy keeps me from enjoying some northwest spring skiing - boo hoo!).

Speaking of baby-to-be, things are going pretty well. 99 days until baby's due date - woo hoo for double digits! Blood sugars are pretty solid and baby has generally only been jumping and active when everyone else is, which is a blessing at this point. I miss solid, undisturbed sleep more than anything else from my pre-child days, but they will only be little for so long, I know.

K has been having nightmares lately, complaining of H taking her toys (meanwhile he is snoring beside us) and last night it was "Momma, wait for me" as if I leave her behind on a regular basis or something. I wonder if there is a dream analysis lab for the dreams of a 22 month old? Of course, I would generally love to know what she is doing/thinking when she is awake too, as she takes a crayon and draws on the bottom of her bare food while I type.

Going swimmingly

Things here are going rather well, with a few minor exceptions; the kids have decided that they shouldn't really attempt to sleep until at least 10:30 or 11:00 at night AND H has decided that he no longer requires naps. Put this together with swimming lessons that begin at 9 a.m. and it all makes for one sleepy Mommy. That said, we did make it on time both days this week (so far) and after each day's lesson, we've gone and spent some fun time with the kids.

Yesterday, we went to a local park downtown and the kids played on the playground and made friends with others their ages, followed by a trip to Jantzen Beach Center (or whatever is called these days) for a ride on the carousel. We also got to see the Budweiser Clydesdales, who are in the parking lot on display. They have them in little stalls (well, the stalls are very little for such big animals) and their names are listed above each one, so H had a good time trying to learn and remember each name.

Today, we made a trip across the river to the Children's Museum that is up by the Zoo. Since we have a pass to our local museum, it was a free entry, and therefore, we only had to pay gas to get there and back, which was handy. It is right next to the Zoo, and I think we'll definitely have to make another trip that way on a nicer day to hit the Zoo and go on the Zoo Train. In the meantime, there is a pretty neat water works exhibit that the kids really enjoyed, and K LOVED the music room, while H was really upset being asked to leave the Dinosaurs and the digger room (fake rocks and stones with all kinds of shovels and trucks and conveyor belts.

Two more days of swimming lessons this week - hopefully Mommy makes it through!

Counting blessings

Yesterday was our fourth anniversary and I was prepared to be maudlin or at least upset at some point about being "so far away" from each other. I had a fitting for my Maid of Honor Dress for A's wedding next month, and it was a perfect day to have been at a bridal shop and feeling nostalgic for four short years ago. Surrounded by all of the fluffy white dresses as I tried on my new pink dress that I will wear as my baby sister takes the same vows we did was the perfect way to spend some time on this day.

And about those four years; I cannot begin to fathom how differently our lives have progressed from that time to this. We've moved (twice) and changed jobs (uh, how many times?) and most importantly, we have two beautiful kiddos who are now running our lives in a manner we might never have imagined, and another who will be joining us soon.

We woke this morning to our first sunny day in OR, and that is just one more reason to be thankful.

Monotony can be good

Well, its been a quiet weekend here, which is nice. We did make an invasion, I mean trip, to IKEA which is one of my favorite places to window shop and explore. Of course the kids are like a herd of elephants in that place, and it is tough to keep them flowing in the direction of traffic and it was a busy day there so it was a bit crazier even than normal. We also went to Best Buy and got grandma a wireless router (meaning got me a wireless router) so now I can veg on the couch and write my blog and other "necessary" luxuries.

I also got some close toed shoes - not sure how I managed to leave the house without them in the first place, but somehow I did. We had planned on taking a trip on the local scenic railroad, but it really looked like rain and since it stops at a waterfall that is pretty nice to splash in, we decided to wait it out and see if we can make the trip on a sunny day. Next weekend is supposed to be pretty nice, and I think a trip to our zoo may be in the future. We've also decided to go ahead and do 'swim school' even though it will be 4 days a week, so starting June 2nd the kids will become more water mobile, I hope.

Aside from that, we are keeping busy with tons of toys, new, borrowed and brought with us, and the kids are having tons of fun. I've been able to nap almost every day, which is fantastic, and if I can ever get the kiddos back to napping at the same time, life will be about perfect!

Settling in

Well, we safely arrived and have been settling in. It's weird going back to a childhood home for a length of time, knowing that your children will be living where you once lived for a while. Of course H had taken to calling each friend's house or hotel room our "new house" so I don't know that he appreciates "home" as much as I had hoped. There are so many things I want to do while here in town, and places I want to go. Some of them are child friendly, but many are not, so I'll have to determine which are realistic to do in a six week time frame.

F finally got his much deserved promotion back to where he started in the Reserves, and he did so well on the test that he will (hopefully) get paid for it in the next month or so. He's not sure when he'll actually start "wearing" it, but I know that he's pretty excited to be back up with the "big kids" at the table, even if he's a relatively junior E6 now. (Pondering whether or not his previous time in rate as an E6 would count - surely not!)

We've been looking at swimming lessons for the kids while we were here, but the session that I swear I saw is no longer listed, and now they would have to do 4 mornings a week for 2 weeks, which might be okay, but I don't know if I want to commit to that frequency, if only for a short period. I really wish there was a different schedule, the one I swear that I saw originally, which was two mornings a week. (pout, pout, pout) Ah well, the kids have tons of toys to play with here, in addition to the ones that we brought from home, and I have a feeling they won't be "bored" even if we stay here the whole time and never set foot outside of the nearby vicinity.

Almost there!

Well, Day 3 was a pretty good day; a boring drive, but a good day. We crossed from Kansas into Colorado and just after crossing the border, no joke, tumbleweed rolled across the highway in front of us - kind of an indication of the kind of drive we faced on the eastern side of the state. We pulled into J&L’s place in Aurora and enjoyed a nice family dinner with L’s extended family that had gotten together for his brother’s birthday (Happy Birthday, Chad!).

J&L opened their home to us and let us join their family for dinner, then their beautiful daughter continued to play with the kids and they had a fantastic time, the three of them. H & K taught that poor girl all kinds of bad habits (running like banshees in the restaurant, jumping in her bed, etc.), but she is such a well behaved little sweetheart that I’m sure she’ll be able to “unlearn” many of them in quick order.

The following morning, when it was time to leave, the kids wanted to stay, or take Miss B with them or in some fashion extend our time together and I can’t say that I blame them, we all had so much fun. The drive that followed was the hardest day thus far – through the Rockies and down through all of the ski towns and into Utah. The ski towns are all in out-of-season repair and disarray, and I had a heck of a time finding a place for H to use the restroom, and he ended up having to use the side of the road again for lack of better options, poor monkey.

Since I had mis-remembered or simply goofed up where our next stop was, and M&T lived in a different part of the greater Salt Lake City area, I had to kind of “wing it” and drive off of my carefully outlined and Trip-tik’d route. It ended up being much smaller highways which were very pretty, but a little scary thinking of the “what-ifs” of breakdowns, flat tires or animals running in front of the vehicle and wiping out the car. Entering Utah was interesting, it got very rainy, hard, blowing rain and it was pretty ugly. Then, heading into Salt Lake, the weather was poopy or more specifically, it was wicked hazy and just ugh!

But, when all was said and done, we arrived safely, and it was a nice visit, if again too short. I haven’t had a chance to catch up with them in forever, since we all left NH, but as with many things, life just gets in the way and you do what you can to keep in touch.

We left M&T's place bright and early, and headed toward Mountain Home AFB in Idaho, but since we arrived nearby super early, we kept going and ended up making it nearly to central OR. We holed up in a hotel that has an indoor pool and once I'm done updating here, we're heading to swim and wear ourselves out there.

We should be to my mom's early tomorrow afternoon (just 200+change miles to go), and this portion of our road trip over. It was a rough few days, and I probably should have broken it up more and seen the sights, but to be honest, the kids were traveling so well that I hated the thought of stopping for much of anything!

2 weeks or 2 days?

Well, F has been gone for 2 weeks, and we have been gone for two days, sorry to worry anyone who looked yesterday to see where we were and saw... nothing. We were having so much fun at our friends' house that I didn't get on-line at all.

We left Saturday morning by 8:30, which was particularly good because my goal was 9. I had been up since about 5:30, restless and knowing there were still last-minute things to pack before heading out. I prepped almost everything that was left, then K woke up and started helping me unpack my handiwork, until H woke up and then it was just time to get going. Whatever I forgot (like our Power of Attorney), I hope I don't need while I'm gone! If I do need it, I left a key with our neighbor, and I'm sure she can overnight anything I need or whatever. Not too concerned at this point, I just wanted to hit the road.

The audio Backyardigan's CD we got just before leaving was a HUGE hit before we got the DVD player in Hattiesburg (good old reliable Target). After each song was ending, K would say "more songs, more songs, more Pablo, more Tynone, more Niqua." It makes me laugh when she says their names, because they are almost, but not quite right and its pretty adorable.

We made really good time, and H did a fantastic job letting me know when he needed to use the restroom and all. The only time we got caught short on Day 1, was just across the AR border from LA, and I pulled over on this backwoods highway and he peed out the passenger side slider of the van onto the shoulder and thought he was the coolest thing ever. (Day 2 we also did this twice and he thought it was hillarious to knock the feathery seeds from a dandilion with his urine; he laughed so hard he cried.)

But H's favorite part of Day 1, other than arriving at our friends' place, was this truck we saw driving in AR. It was a Fish & Game truck, pulling a trailer that had huge catfish in a tank on the back, so it was like a little mini-aquarium, and H thought it was the best. We actually saw it twice because K dropped her milk and had a meltdown, so I pulled over to grab it and the truck passed us, then we passed it again later and he thought it was another one. The rest of the day he kept asking for more fish trucks.

The lowlight of the day was probably almost hitting a snake in the road. It was HUGE to me, but my friend who is a native Arkansan (?) said what I was supposed to do was hit it, reverse and run over it again to make sure it was dead. Personally, I was more worried about hurting my car - it seemed enormous to me.

So, nine and a half hours after leaving home, we arrived at R&E's house, and were welcomed by a storm of pink toys that the kids had a blast playing with - from a huge Dora tent and Princess tunnel to a giggle vaccuum, the kids were in HEAVEN. We all had so much fun and it really was hard to leave, I felt so spoiled by their hospitality and they were so generous to open their home to us and feed us and let us relax and play for a while. H kept asking is we were going back to their house tonight.

Instead, we made it past our target stop of McConnel AFB (since there was no room at the inn) and on to a little crossroads town in KS that had plenty of hotels and places to stop. We found a nice place with a pool thanks to Grandma H's online shopping and stopped to get a little R&R and swim. I, of course, simply HAD to get online and share our trip thus far. Today was not as much fun, likely because yesterday we had the anticipation of R&E's place, and their kids and the fun I knew our kids would have there.

Today I knew it would be a hotel and strangers, but at least we did find an indoor pool, which we barely had time to extract ourselves from the car and the kids were chomping at the bit to get into. It was a great pool because it was only 4 1/2' deep, so I wasn't too overwhelmed with both monkeys. H had his floaties and he splashed and so forth in the 2 1/2' end while I'd take K swimming to the other end, then she sat on the steps while H got to make the rounds.

Its late, and tomorrow is another day driving, but I wanted to let those who are following us know that we are safe and sound for the night and all-in-all I am blessed that these kids are such resilient monkeys and great travellers. I know there is a ton of detail that I am forgetting that I had intended to include, but I guess it will have to wait for another day. Tomorrow we are hoping to make it to another set of friends, J&L, who also have a monkey H's age. It will be fun and I can't wait to see what happens next!

Best of intentions

So, I had planned to take photos of the car all loaded up and ready to travel, but instead I was feeling lucky to simply get it loaded down and ready for travel. I was also able to get rid of a ladder that we listed on Craigslist a few weeks ago. Someone finally asked for it, and unfortunately I had to strap it onto the top of the van and take it out there (Orange Grove for those who know the area). I am not quite as good at that as F is, and half way down the major road that you take to get there, the ladder about blew off of the van, just sideways, but scared the poop out of me.

Well, we have another $60 in travel money for my efforts, although the deductible if I had smashed anyone's car would have been far greater, I'm sure. And now we have further space in the garage for more crap. Or at least more space in the garage.

The van is packed, except for the cooler and snacks and a few last minute doodads that I'm sure I'll add. I need to get H's Leap Pad in the car, the potty and my meds and such. (Hopefully my body pillow and regular pillow - I love those!) There is actually still a little room left as a path from front seat to rear seat so I can work with car seat buckles and such. I also have a load of laundry in that I swear I will forget and leave soaking wet (ugh!) I stopped the cycle with it full because the kids had some spills on their clothes - go figure. I do still need to find a DVD player while we're on the road. Can't believe nobody in the whole town carries dual screen DVD players in their stores in this whole town.

I did remember to go to the housing office and sign out for our trip, but I didn't get in touch with the cable co. to turn off service or the post office to forward the mail - ugh! Oh well, one can only remember so many things at a time. Have to get the keys to the neighbor and that's about all I can do. I'll try to call the cable co. from the road, I guess since it seems silly to pay $120 a month for cable/internet/etc when we're not here. Grrrr can't believe I forgot that one!

So, the kids are wired, and I think we might be in for quite the night. I'd better start trying to get them down for the night so we can get up and hit the road bright and early. Wish us all luck!

Anxious to get going

Well, today was a productive day - got the kids stuff packed and into the car and got my stuff packed and into the car. I also assembled the questionable seat for H and it seems to work for him, so I will keep it - there was a padded liner that I removed and it made a world of difference in how he fit. Also, the shoulders are padded rather than fitted, so he can rest on a pillow-like seat, rather than the harder shell I feared was squishing him. He absolutely loves it, and I think it was a good move, even though he did have about an inch of room left to grow in his torso in the old seat. But, this seat has a cup holder and that makes all the difference in the world!

I also got the garage cleaned out and parked Frank's beast in there. That was a nice task, but I'm proud to say I backed that thing in there "all by self" as Miss K would say, and I didn't run over anything or break anything or even hit anything. (Okay, confession, there is a rubber-like seal around the garage door and I whispered it with the mirror, but that doesn't count AND that mirror was already broken.)

We also managed a nice brunch at Laura's house, which was a break I surely needed, although I'm sure the kids would have rather been playing somewhere with other kids or something, but since it was a darn monsoon this morning, they'd have been cooped up at home anyway. Besides, this gave them an excuse to wear their new rain boots!

I'm chomping at the bit to leave, and have thought seriously about taking off tomorrow, but I do realize I still have more to do before I go, and the kids can use another trip to the playground before I shove them into a car for a week (even in a new car seat!). I still haven't found a DVD player that I am happy with, so I will have to see how far we get without one on Saturday. If nothing else, I can try and pick one up at Target in Hattiesburg, which is only an hour+ away.

Tomorrow, other than the playground, I will be packing up the last minute stuff, tossing perishable foods from the fridge and cabinets and generally doing some last minute organization. I'm surprised at how little space I have used in the van thus far. I'll have to take pictures when its all packed because you know you never get things back in as organized as you start, and there will always be more stuff you accumulate along the way.

Progress? 1 step forward, 1 back

Okay, so my plan is all out of order, and the kids needed some attention and love today so we hit the children's museum today and played all morning until lunch time. K had to rest after, so we came home, even though H said he didn't want to go home. He cracks me up. Their LeapPad stuff had come in just as we were leaving, so he was pretty jazzed about checking out his new toy when we got home. So much so that he woke up K getting out of the car and they were both chomping at the bit to play their new "video games." Unfortunately, we had no batteries and they came without batteries, so we had to go to the store before playing. UGH!

We also found another game for H for his, so now he has Cars and Dora and she has Dora and Pooh. And we have batteries. I was a little worried that K wouldn't get it, but she seems to enjoy it so far and pushes the right button for the most part to get the "story" to read. (Oh, don't we know she's good at pushing buttons!)

While at the store, I saw a DVD player and picked it up thinking I'd simply throw the old 2nd screen up with it and we'd be golden, but alas, when we got home, I look and the 2nd screen was somehow shattered while hanging in the car, mounted for viewing. Don't know how that happened, but UGH! So we take the new one back because we definitely need 2 screens so that Katherine can go back to her normal seat, from the far back, so we can pack the van better. GRRR!

Later in the day, we went to the Evil Empire (Wal-Mart) and picked up H's new big boy car seat, a Graco Nautilus. Unfortunately, I think that is going back tomorrow too. It seems too narrow and uncomfortable in the shoulder area and it is supposed to be a seat that will last him until it converts to a booster seat a few years down the road. No thanks. So that means, a little big more expensive seat, but one that will fit him better. And I think I'll wait until after we get back, as the new seat is a Britax (Frontier), like his current seat, and they go on semi-annual sale each September, so we'll perhaps try again then.

I did manage to get the kids extra clothes packed into tubs, as well as my extras. I have most of the travel bags packed, but have a bit more laundry to do. I want to clean all of the sheets and leave the beds unmade when I leave with all sheets in the linen closet, except, perhaps the ones on my bed. The guest room is next, I think. In any case, I feel good about the packing. I also got the first layer of bugs off the car at the base car wash, but I need to hit one in town because the one here didn't have a brush or anything, just the pressure wash hose.

Tomorrow, I hope to get rid of our extension ladder. Someone has asked for it from craig's list, so hopefully it will also be gone tomorrow. We've done okay with the craig's list here in MS. More travelling cash, especially when added to our stimulus package check which is set to deposit tomorrow for availability on Friday. Wooo Hoooo!

The "last straw"

So, I've decided we're leaving here Saturday, with or without doctors appts or whatever else the world may throw at us. I found something in our upstairs bathroom that cinched the deal. I don't know for sure, but I am convinced it was a ROACH! I can't swear that it was, because I don't know exactly what they look like, but whether it was, or whether it wasn't, it now resides in the bowels of the shopvac. I carried our huge shopvac upstairs to suck it up with because I knew I wasn't touching it, and I don't think our mini-sweeper would pick it up.

I have been preparing for the trip anyway. H has been helping put toys together in zipper bags in like groups (pirates are all together, cars together, etc). We're packing movies into an overhead visor storage case. The Leap Pad toys I ordered for the kids are due to arrive tomorrow, and we still need to get a new DVD player for the car, but we have plenty of books and some new CD's to listen to and the toys are all organized.

Tomorrow will be dedicated to preparing up the van with a tire rotation and clean-up inside and out. Plus, packing the "travel bag" of clothes for the road trip and generally packing the rest of the clothes we'll need over the summer. Thursday I plan to look for a DVD player, and hopefully get the kids to the children's museum for some play time. I also need to clean up the backyard and garage (to put Frank's beast inside). Friday will be packing up the van and heading out.

I have a pretty ambitious plan in mind, but I also have flexibility built in, with hotels along the way if we need to go that route. I am really hoping to stay on military bases or with/near friends whenever possible so that we are safer and can relax a bit. Best laid plans will, I am sure, be debunked here over the next week or two of blogs. As long as we have no roaches where we stay, I think I'll be content!

Just realized a week has passed

Is it possible that it has "only" been a week? Okay, eight days, but it seems like a lifetime already in some ways, but in others it seems like he just left. Like when the kids were playing under the bed in the guestroom and found his dirty socks and a pair of sweats that needed to be put in the laundry. Guess I need to check under the beds more often, huh?

We all had a tough time getting moving this morning, but once we did, we hit the local mall, which has a fantastic toy store with a train table that the kids LOVE. K got her hands on a Kitty purse (pink, of course) and would not let go if her life depended on it, I swear. Needless to say, it came home with us, along with a hair bow and a set of animals for H that have holes and laces for him to work on lacing. I am not sure why he needs to practice lacing, but its something that they are "supposed" to do at some point.

Yesterday I bought them each scissors, kiddy scissors, but still. Now, there are paper bags cut up all over the house and I spend more time "helping" them cut (a.k.a. "Mommy cut this for me") than pretty much anything else. Again, not that they need to cut anything so much as they are "supposed" to do so eventually, right? H got monkey scissors and K has tiger ones. They do love them. Now I'm just waiting for the hair to start going and the clothes and the furniture and all of the other things that safety scissors are not supposed to be able to cut.

F's parents sent me a beautiful bouquet of flowers for Mother's Day. They are yellow and sunny and bright and cheery and they really did make my day. I didn't get a chance to call to thank them tonight (we had a "high maintenance" evening), but it really did mean a ton to me. K says they are her flowers though, and she is convinced they're from Daddy for her. Hey - I guess that makes two of us that are happy with them, so who am I to argue? (Plus, have you ever tried arguing with a nearly 2 year old? Kind of pointless!)

Thanksgiving day

No, I'm not a whack job and no, I don't think it's November. I just realized (again) today how very much I have to be thankful for. Sure, life isn't perfect, but wow, I have a lot to be thankful for this Mother's Day.

K and H both slept through the night last night, until K woke at 6, but she went back to sleep until 8:30! Basically, I was able to sleep from 12:30 when I got offline with Frank, until 8:30, which even with the short break to get K back to sleep is an eight hour night in my book. Frank wished me Happy Mother's Day just after midnight our time, and the day has been perfect ever since.

The kids woke up and wanted waffles for breakfast, which was fine by me. We were nearly out of milk (a crisis in this house) and I barely had enough to finish the waffles, much less a second cup of milk for H with breakfast - oops! After breakfast, which was eaten at the dining room table with real silverware and such, rather than in front of the TV, we headed to the grocery store to ensure that no meltdowns occurred due to a lack of milk in the home. We also bought the little princess her first Princess Pull-ups and a few other necessities.

After the commissary (grocery) run, we piled back into the car with our beach blankets, towels and swim suits and headed to the "beach" here in town. I'm not going to lie - the water is pretty gross, and the beaches are pretty dirty here (maybe going east a bit would have helped - those beaches are a tad prettier), but it suited our needs for today. We played on the beach, digging and destroying sand castles, splashing in the water and throwing sand everywhere. Since K hadn't had a morning nap, we only spent about 45 minutes there, but it was good. Both kids fell asleep on the way home so I got them into the guest room bed (didn't want the sand in their beds) and I was able to take a long shower followed by a nap of my own! I had clean sheets on the bed and the entire bed to myself and it was fantastic.

Both kids woke up in good moods, and H decided he was starving when he woke up, and wanted to make hot dogs with bread, and he wanted to do it himself. I probably don't let him help me enough with things like this. He did a great job, getting out the pan, getting them out of the fridge, opening the package, counting them out for all of us and putting them in water on the stove (yeah, I turned it on and such - help is one thing, H using the stove, not so much). He was so proud of himself and I swear he ate that hot dog like it was the best food he'd ever had. I can't believe how grown up he is getting.

And the little Princess, she really wants to be potty trained, and done with it. I can tell that she's ready. If it weren't for the upcoming road trip, I think I'd be okay with it, but... I figure we'll do whatever and she'll either start or she won't and either way it will work out. She's a smart one, and I think she'll catch on pretty quickly. Again, though, she's growing up so fast.

Party time!

Today's highlight was TJ's birthday party. TJ is the neighbor across the street, and he turns five on Tuesday. TJ's dad is getting transferred soon, so it was hard to shop for something that he could either use before he leaves, or take with him to his new place. We ended up with Spiderman wall stickers to decorate his new room with.

TJ's parents have a huge bouncy house with a slide on one side, so the kids worked hard at wearing themselves out being crazy jumping monkeys (and not on the beds for once). Hot dogs, cake, ice cream and goodie bags filled with candy made for a scarce dinner (not that I did much better, when I gave them frozen pizza, yogurt and applesauce, but I tried).

The kids had a fantastic time, and it was nice to let them play while TJ's mom and I chatted - almost like normal adult interaction. It was a nice change of pace and we both agreed that the kids need to get together more for the next few weeks until we leave to head north for Auntie A's wedding.

I spent some time this morning making H a new Buzz Lightyear shirt. When we were at the fabric store the other evening, H saw that fabric and K found some "Pablo/Niqua" material, so I am making them outfits from their favorite "friends." H has been on a Buzz kick since our recent trip to DisneyWorld where he met the "real thing." It was fun, and he LOVES his new shirt.

One of the favors that was in the goodie bags was an airplane on a string that you can swing around to make it "fly." Both of the kids love them. Tonight, K was already asleep, and I gave H a piggy-back ride upstairs. He was carrying one of the airplanes. When I went to sit him down on the bed, I didn't get both feet standing on there, and dropped him straight down onto his face. He screamed and cried hysterically, and therefore, so did I. I couldn't tell if he was hurt of scared or both. I scooped him up and held him as we rocked on the bed, that stupid airplane string fell down onto his face, and the ring landed on his eyeball. All of the sudden he started laughing as hysterically as he had been crying, and we both disolved into tears from laughing instead of crying. He made it about another two minutes before he fell asleep, and I think that is a great way to end a day.

Kind of a poopy day

I woke up with K just after 7:30, which was great. But then, I logged on to the computer a few minutes later, just in time to see F logging off of Yahoo messenger. This morning we didn't do a whole lot, then this afternoon Mommy had a doctor's appointment. The kiddos slept for about 1/2 an hour on the way to the base hospital. I had brought the honking big double stroller thinking that both kids might sleep through my appointment, but instead they woke as I put them into the stroller, and both stayed awake through the appointment and beyond. My regular doctor was gone, a fact that I would have known had my cell phone not died while I wasn't looking.

Okay, so other than the start of missing F online and very short naps for the monkeys, the day itself wasn't so bad, so here is where the poopy part was. We're home and they are playing quietly upstairs, too quietly. I go up, and there is H bragging to me that he made big poops on the floor of his room, and sure enough he had. I look at the loving little sister who idolizes him, and don't you know she has removed her poopy diaper and dropped that onto the floor. Fantastic!

Just before dinner time, K said she was hungry, then passed out sleeping. I make H dinner, then put him in front of the TV watching Cars where he passes out. So of course, K wakes up and I need to make her dinner. After that, I get H into his own bed for the first night since F left, and then get K fed and snuggled into bed with me for a while. Hopefully she'll go back to sleep soon. Right now, she's "helping" me type - by climbing in my lap in between the laptop and my line of sight, sitting on my arms so it is tough to type. She's looking pretty awake, and I might well be in for quite the night between the two of them!

Ups and Downs of the day

Yesterday was "one of those days" that things are just a bit off. Largely my fault for spending much of the night watching for F to pop onto Yahoo messenger so I could show him the webcam was up and running and see how that worked, all to no avail. K was up several times in the night and therefore I can't really call that sleep. Needless to say, I started the day with coffee, which I rarely do.

When he is home, F generally has to go work out each morning, then comes home for breakfast/coffee/shower, etc. before returning to work for the day. So when H came down and our very loud coffee pot was running, his face lit up and he asked, "Daddy's home?" It broke my heart to remind him that no, Daddy won't be home for lots of days and nights, just like Elmo's Daddy. His face fell a bit and then he moved on to whatever next captured his interest. My heart lingered on the moment all day, wondering how many more of those moments we'd experience over the coming months.

After naptime, we headed to the fabric store where we found Buzz Lightyear cloth for a Hawaiian style shirt for H, and Pablo/'Niqua (Backyardigans) cloth for an outfit for K. Not exactly what I was shopping for, but it made them happy, so why not? I also found material to make H a tie if I can't find one for Auntie A's wedding next month. I still can't believe its that close! (I also can't believe how unbelieveably difficult it is to find a children's tie in chocolate brown.)

I did get to talk to F on the phone from the terminal in Oki for about 10 minutes, and the kids got to say hello. H ratted me out for my many infractions, including "making" him leave the house without his brown sandals, and therefore making him wear his Buzz sandals, which were dirty with sand and he didn't want to wear them. This was delivered in one long run on sentence in H's less-than-clear speech pattern that left F asking, "huh?" It was cute that H wanted to pass along his story of the day to Daddy in his excited little voice, and worth the translation efforts on my part.

Lastly, great news in the extended family as Auntie S and Uncle M welcomed baby #4, named Elizabeth Rose yesterday afternoon. I don't have many details, but have heard she has a head full of dark hair. The kids are already smitten, and even T has accepted that he's got "another sister."