Okay - so we're headed out! My mother-in-law is here, and we have the van packed. Everything is inside except the people at this point, so we're out of here. I got my laptop back just in time, so I'll have that with me on the road, but don't know how much I'll access it. I think we're going to try and crank out as much of this trip in one shot as possible.
Wish us luck, and pray for us and for those who have already left, are leaving soon and those who are chosing not to leave.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Packing it in
That's it. I'm done. Come Saturday we are heading to MA to the in laws until after baby comes. The uncertainty of hurricane season is outweighing the uncertainty of finding and utilizing a new doctor and new facilities at 38w pregnant, so the kids and I will be packing up tomorrow and Saturday and driving to the Berkshires for a lovely autumn in New England.
Hopefully, baby will take his or her time and arrive once we have settled in a touch. I won't be able to use the local hospital, rather have a 45 minute (roughly) drive to the "big city" once in labor, but after weighing all options, it really does seem to be the best idea for all of us. I hope to return home about two weeks after baby comes so that Daddy can meet the little one and catch up with the bigger kiddos.
H is just mad because he wants to stay and see Elmo next week, who is coming to the Keesler (Gustav permitting) on tour. I just told him about it yesterday, and when I asked him if he'd like to go see Grandma and Grandpa for a little while, he said, "No, thank you. I just wanna go see Elmo and Cookie." When asked, K said, "No, thank you. I want to stay at my house and watch Pablo/'Niqua." (The Backyardigans) At least they were polite in their refusal to accept reality!
Hopefully, baby will take his or her time and arrive once we have settled in a touch. I won't be able to use the local hospital, rather have a 45 minute (roughly) drive to the "big city" once in labor, but after weighing all options, it really does seem to be the best idea for all of us. I hope to return home about two weeks after baby comes so that Daddy can meet the little one and catch up with the bigger kiddos.
H is just mad because he wants to stay and see Elmo next week, who is coming to the Keesler (Gustav permitting) on tour. I just told him about it yesterday, and when I asked him if he'd like to go see Grandma and Grandpa for a little while, he said, "No, thank you. I just wanna go see Elmo and Cookie." When asked, K said, "No, thank you. I want to stay at my house and watch Pablo/'Niqua." (The Backyardigans) At least they were polite in their refusal to accept reality!
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
As if there weren't enough
apparently there is a good chance that Tropical Storm/soon-to-be-Hurricane Gustav is likely headed our way, depending on tracking. Lovely! I called the L&D peeps, and they said they don't really close until the base CO says to close, then they immediately stop taking patients and make arrangements to transfer all current patients to other hospitals and such. Lovely!
I have briefly considered induction this week to be "done" but if things went badly and I ended up with a c-section, I would not be allowed to drive for 2 weeks, which would make evacuation afterwards with the kiddos impossible. And if things went well, even travelling feeling pretty good with a newborn and two toddlers does not sound very appealing.
So, now I look at my options and plan to pack things up to be on the safe side - photos, important papers, clothes for the kids (all three of them?) and myself. I'm also trying to plan food and drink for the car, toys and other entertainment. I am almost thinking I'll pack almost exactly as I did for our road trip around the country earlier this summer, only adding clothes for the new monkey and a few post-partum things for myself. If, God-forbid, this is another Katrina-type storm, I will likely not be back here for a while so I need to be prepared for that possibility.
Now, where to go...
I have briefly considered induction this week to be "done" but if things went badly and I ended up with a c-section, I would not be allowed to drive for 2 weeks, which would make evacuation afterwards with the kiddos impossible. And if things went well, even travelling feeling pretty good with a newborn and two toddlers does not sound very appealing.
So, now I look at my options and plan to pack things up to be on the safe side - photos, important papers, clothes for the kids (all three of them?) and myself. I'm also trying to plan food and drink for the car, toys and other entertainment. I am almost thinking I'll pack almost exactly as I did for our road trip around the country earlier this summer, only adding clothes for the new monkey and a few post-partum things for myself. If, God-forbid, this is another Katrina-type storm, I will likely not be back here for a while so I need to be prepared for that possibility.
Now, where to go...
Monday, August 25, 2008
37w 2d and...
I missed my doctor's appointment with my regular doc. There was a traffic fatality on the highway that I take to get to Keesler, and the detour (the only one I could find) was backed up to the point that I spent over an hour and thirty-five minutes to get there, when it normally takes me 35-40. I called in, and they couldn't get me in later, so they simply scheduled me for next week.
Seemed kind of odd that last week it was imperitive to be induced this week or my child could die, and this week it isn't even necessary to meet with the doctor. So, I simply went to my NST and baby did really well quickly, which was a relief. It did take a while to get cleared by the doc on call, but then he did a quick scan to check fluid levels, and also briefly addressed my (minor) concern about aging placenta, which proved to not be an issue at this point, which is good. He also encouraged me to consider induction, and offered to check for dialation, which he did. Things are moving on their own right now and so far I'm dialated to 1 or 1 1/2. That is kind of scary because that was how far I was dialated when I went into labor with H, and he was born four hours later.
So, perhaps this is the week after all if baby decides to come on his or her own. I am just really hoping to avoid a "labor day" baby just because the crazy irony of the name - laboring on labor day? No thanks!
Seemed kind of odd that last week it was imperitive to be induced this week or my child could die, and this week it isn't even necessary to meet with the doctor. So, I simply went to my NST and baby did really well quickly, which was a relief. It did take a while to get cleared by the doc on call, but then he did a quick scan to check fluid levels, and also briefly addressed my (minor) concern about aging placenta, which proved to not be an issue at this point, which is good. He also encouraged me to consider induction, and offered to check for dialation, which he did. Things are moving on their own right now and so far I'm dialated to 1 or 1 1/2. That is kind of scary because that was how far I was dialated when I went into labor with H, and he was born four hours later.
So, perhaps this is the week after all if baby decides to come on his or her own. I am just really hoping to avoid a "labor day" baby just because the crazy irony of the name - laboring on labor day? No thanks!
Monday, August 18, 2008
Battle for baby
So the battle rages on, and a healthy baby is the "prize" that we all seek. No one could argue that there is any ill intent or ill will on either side, just a disagreement as to what the "right" thing to do might be. I don't pretend to be overly brave or sure of my position because of some study or statistic, but rather I am comfortable where we are because I feel baby within me, moving and stretching and growing each day and because in my heart I don't feel that either of us are ready for this baby to be earthside.
Doc on the other hand, is honestly not coming from a place of evil or negative intent, rather I think she is approaching the subject from a position of fear. She is truly afraid that allowing a mom who is diabetic to carry a baby to term places a higher risk of "unexpected fetal death." Perhaps the statistics bear this out to be true, however those are theories and ideas based on studies, and not based on THIS baby or THIS instance. THIS baby is moving and growing and THIS baby's heart is pumping (as I hear for hours twice a week).
While I respect and understand her fears, I don't share them and I refuse to allow them to become a part of MY reality because I don't like to live my life and base my decisions on fear. There are a million things out there that one can fear and I just don't feel like childbirth can or should be one of them. Childbirth and pregnancy is not a medical condition, but rather a part of life and a part of life that people have been actively engaged in (thank Goodness) for many years.
Some things that struck me as odd in our conversation today include the fact that Doc admits she would not be requesting, much less insisting on induction if I were not diabetic, and that she would, in fact be hesitant to allow induction in conjunction with my quest for a VBAC. She also said that she feels my chances of a VBAC, even if conditions are unfavorable in general for induction, are still good because of my medical history. In my mind these two statements do not mesh and cannot coexist on the same page because diabetes and VBAC have virtually nothing to do with one another (Other than, perhaps a higher failure rate of VBAC due to larger babies due to diabetes). Either one is willing to induce regardless of VBAC status or one is not. To my mind, there is some level of dissonance in the logic that cannot be explained.
Doc wanted to do an amnio this week to determine lung maturity. Again, this doesn't make sense to me, because if the lungs are mature, then there is no need for an amnio. If the lungs are not mature, and the amnio initiates labor, then you are simply knowingly creating a situation in which you are initiating the birth of a baby who is not ready to be born, to see if baby is ready to be born. Dissonance.
After 39w, Doc said that an amnio will not be done because by that point, baby will be ready to be born and the odds of lung immaturity at that point are no greater than if baby were born at 40w (term). She asked for an amnio next week, so that we can induce at 38w, but again I just don't see where this makes sense.
So, for now, I stick to my guns, armed and ready for battle to keep this baby until BABY is ready to arrive, not simply until doc is ready and afraid to no longer allow nature to take its course.
Doc on the other hand, is honestly not coming from a place of evil or negative intent, rather I think she is approaching the subject from a position of fear. She is truly afraid that allowing a mom who is diabetic to carry a baby to term places a higher risk of "unexpected fetal death." Perhaps the statistics bear this out to be true, however those are theories and ideas based on studies, and not based on THIS baby or THIS instance. THIS baby is moving and growing and THIS baby's heart is pumping (as I hear for hours twice a week).
While I respect and understand her fears, I don't share them and I refuse to allow them to become a part of MY reality because I don't like to live my life and base my decisions on fear. There are a million things out there that one can fear and I just don't feel like childbirth can or should be one of them. Childbirth and pregnancy is not a medical condition, but rather a part of life and a part of life that people have been actively engaged in (thank Goodness) for many years.
Some things that struck me as odd in our conversation today include the fact that Doc admits she would not be requesting, much less insisting on induction if I were not diabetic, and that she would, in fact be hesitant to allow induction in conjunction with my quest for a VBAC. She also said that she feels my chances of a VBAC, even if conditions are unfavorable in general for induction, are still good because of my medical history. In my mind these two statements do not mesh and cannot coexist on the same page because diabetes and VBAC have virtually nothing to do with one another (Other than, perhaps a higher failure rate of VBAC due to larger babies due to diabetes). Either one is willing to induce regardless of VBAC status or one is not. To my mind, there is some level of dissonance in the logic that cannot be explained.
Doc wanted to do an amnio this week to determine lung maturity. Again, this doesn't make sense to me, because if the lungs are mature, then there is no need for an amnio. If the lungs are not mature, and the amnio initiates labor, then you are simply knowingly creating a situation in which you are initiating the birth of a baby who is not ready to be born, to see if baby is ready to be born. Dissonance.
After 39w, Doc said that an amnio will not be done because by that point, baby will be ready to be born and the odds of lung immaturity at that point are no greater than if baby were born at 40w (term). She asked for an amnio next week, so that we can induce at 38w, but again I just don't see where this makes sense.
So, for now, I stick to my guns, armed and ready for battle to keep this baby until BABY is ready to arrive, not simply until doc is ready and afraid to no longer allow nature to take its course.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Peaceful revelation
So I met with my doula today and it was fabulous! She has attended a few VBAC births with my doc and only one transfer to OR and that was due to VERY high BP in the mother (240/140 or something) and that was after allowing her to labor for over 4 hours. So, I am very encouraged. I also had the chance to discuss something that has been nagging at me, and I finally was able to verbalize it, and wanted to share.
A few weeks ago, my doc brought up induction at around 37w due to my diabetes and the increased risk of stillbirth in diabetic babies. Ever since then, I have allowed my thoughts on this birth to be molded to think that I only have a few weeks left. In reality though, my due date is not until 9/13. Therefore I still have nearly a month (29d) until I am actually DUE. I know that any interventions in terms of induction, etc. will reduce the likelihood of a successful VBAC, and yet I have allowed one conversation about possible induction to color my thinking and alter my perception as to when baby is due.
I meet with my doctor on Monday (@ 36w 2d) and fully intend to let her know that I want to enjoy my last 27ish (not 7ish) days of this PG in peace without constantly rushing through what should be a really special time. Hopefully she will agree, since I have no other medical options at this point aside from skipping scheduled appts etc. which seems childish and extreme.
Just wanted to share this revelation and realization that I have several more weeks to enjoy this baby in utero before I worry about eviction and begin to enjoy this kiddo earthside!!
A few weeks ago, my doc brought up induction at around 37w due to my diabetes and the increased risk of stillbirth in diabetic babies. Ever since then, I have allowed my thoughts on this birth to be molded to think that I only have a few weeks left. In reality though, my due date is not until 9/13. Therefore I still have nearly a month (29d) until I am actually DUE. I know that any interventions in terms of induction, etc. will reduce the likelihood of a successful VBAC, and yet I have allowed one conversation about possible induction to color my thinking and alter my perception as to when baby is due.
I meet with my doctor on Monday (@ 36w 2d) and fully intend to let her know that I want to enjoy my last 27ish (not 7ish) days of this PG in peace without constantly rushing through what should be a really special time. Hopefully she will agree, since I have no other medical options at this point aside from skipping scheduled appts etc. which seems childish and extreme.
Just wanted to share this revelation and realization that I have several more weeks to enjoy this baby in utero before I worry about eviction and begin to enjoy this kiddo earthside!!
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Technology stinks
Today was the fifth Non-stress Test (NST) on this little one's heart and body. And the third one in a row where he or she has decided to be uncooperative. During an NST, the machine looks for a certain number of heart accelerations (generally 3-4 in a 20 minute period) following fetal movement or contractions. For whatever reason, the "target" is a rise of 15 beats per minute. Baby's baseline tends to be about 140, so they are looking for the heart rate to rise above 155 and remain there for a given length of time before returning to baseline.
During the first NST that was "non-reactive" baby's heart rate actually decelerated a few times and I ended up on the machines for nearly four hours all told. On Monday, I spent an hour and change, and they ended up "buzzing" baby with an acoustic annoyance that is supposed to make the poor bugger squirm, which did finally work enough to get baby to perform as required. Today, another nearly two hour test, during which time baby decided that even a buzzer isn't enough to get the old heart rate pumped up. And yet, I am home today, safe and sound and no one was concerned.
Which leads me to question the need for these silly tests. I mean, if we can have a test that is not indicating what they'd like for it to indicate and no one is concerned, then why bother doing the silly test? It seems to me either there is something to be gained from the tests or there isn't, and if they are repeatedly non-reactive, and no one is concerned because the heart rate is still strong and baby is moving and such, then why subject myself to the hours on the machine and "stress" of a non-stress test?
My doctor is going to LOVE me on Monday when I see her bright and early with my latest idea of foregoing further NSTs. She already realizes that I am a little looney when it comes to testing and interventions, so this one might send her over the edge with me! Ah but what a lovely trip it will be!
During the first NST that was "non-reactive" baby's heart rate actually decelerated a few times and I ended up on the machines for nearly four hours all told. On Monday, I spent an hour and change, and they ended up "buzzing" baby with an acoustic annoyance that is supposed to make the poor bugger squirm, which did finally work enough to get baby to perform as required. Today, another nearly two hour test, during which time baby decided that even a buzzer isn't enough to get the old heart rate pumped up. And yet, I am home today, safe and sound and no one was concerned.
Which leads me to question the need for these silly tests. I mean, if we can have a test that is not indicating what they'd like for it to indicate and no one is concerned, then why bother doing the silly test? It seems to me either there is something to be gained from the tests or there isn't, and if they are repeatedly non-reactive, and no one is concerned because the heart rate is still strong and baby is moving and such, then why subject myself to the hours on the machine and "stress" of a non-stress test?
My doctor is going to LOVE me on Monday when I see her bright and early with my latest idea of foregoing further NSTs. She already realizes that I am a little looney when it comes to testing and interventions, so this one might send her over the edge with me! Ah but what a lovely trip it will be!
Friday, August 8, 2008
Too soon
Okay, note to the little one in my tum...
Please do not attempt to depart any time soon. You still need to hang out with me for at least another 3 weeks before your jail break. Pulling stunts like you did last night at the non-stress test, where your little heart decided it would be a good time to decelerate a few times is not funny. This type of behavior will not be tolerated. Please do not try this again.
Over the next three weeks, your assignment is to continue to grow, practice breathing and fully prepare yourself for the outside world. Raising mommy's blood pressure and stressing her out will NOT allow you to meet her any earlier, but rather will result in a less pleasant greeting than the one currently planned for you, including the possibility of forced extraction - which you would likely not find pleasant.
Mommy is excited to meet you too, however she wants you to be ready for all of the excitement, including a very anxious brother, who has repeatedly told you that you are too little to come out yet (get used to him saying you're too little for stuff - you'll hear that for YEARS to come) and a semi-oblivious sister, who will likely wallop you on a regular basis if you get out of line. Therefore, it is truly in your best interest to stay put for at least several more weeks.
Thank you for your cooperation and STAY PUT!
Love, Mommy
Please do not attempt to depart any time soon. You still need to hang out with me for at least another 3 weeks before your jail break. Pulling stunts like you did last night at the non-stress test, where your little heart decided it would be a good time to decelerate a few times is not funny. This type of behavior will not be tolerated. Please do not try this again.
Over the next three weeks, your assignment is to continue to grow, practice breathing and fully prepare yourself for the outside world. Raising mommy's blood pressure and stressing her out will NOT allow you to meet her any earlier, but rather will result in a less pleasant greeting than the one currently planned for you, including the possibility of forced extraction - which you would likely not find pleasant.
Mommy is excited to meet you too, however she wants you to be ready for all of the excitement, including a very anxious brother, who has repeatedly told you that you are too little to come out yet (get used to him saying you're too little for stuff - you'll hear that for YEARS to come) and a semi-oblivious sister, who will likely wallop you on a regular basis if you get out of line. Therefore, it is truly in your best interest to stay put for at least several more weeks.
Thank you for your cooperation and STAY PUT!
Love, Mommy
Friday, August 1, 2008
Guess I should get ready
So, this recent "scare" about induction in three weeks or so has made me realize how very NOT ready I am to have this kiddo. Not that I am not physically ready, I mean I am HUGE and the turkey baster button that is my belly says time's up, but as far as baby "stuff." I did go out today and buy a coming home outfit for baby if he's a boy - its green with brown trim and writing that says "mommy's new man" which I thought was kind of appropriate since F is gone and all. I already found a girlie one at Children's Place when I was in NH, so that is now pretty much done.
I went into the closet and pulled out the newborn gender neutral outfits I could find and threw them into the wash along with all of the newborn cloth diapers and covers that I have. Those are drying, and I guess its time to finish emptying the baby dresser from K's closet and put things away in there. I think that will give me a better feel for what I have and what I should look at buying, if anything. Although, if it stays this hot, we won't need clothes for this kid, since its so stinking HOT I'll leave him or her to run nakey in a dipe as much as possible.
As for me, well, I guess I'm ready mentally. There doesn't appear to be much I need to do at this point, although I suppose I should grab some sweats and such for kicking around the hospital and things like that. There are all kinds of lists out on the web of things you "have to have" in the hospital and so on. I think, as long as I have a book or something and clothes and my camera, well, most everything else should provide itself. I don't really see a need for much else other than the baby outfits and such.
The kids, well, I need to get together with my friend that I plan to have watching them sooner rather than later so they can get used to her again and her kids again so that they feel slightly more comfy at their house, as needed. Hopefully, I won't be stuck at the hospital for more than a short while, a day or less if all goes well, and therefore it would be a short overnight for them, or perhaps less if I go into labor at night (assuming I avoid the induction issue entirely).
In any case, I guess I'm not as ready as I had hoped, but I'll get there and things will work out as they always do. I guess taking 9 weeks off may not have been a wise move so late in the game, but there are really very few moments of the trip that I would trade for anything, so I now live with those repercussions. As the kids favorite movie right now, "Meet the Robinsons" preaches, I'll "Keep moving forward" and it will all work itself out!
I went into the closet and pulled out the newborn gender neutral outfits I could find and threw them into the wash along with all of the newborn cloth diapers and covers that I have. Those are drying, and I guess its time to finish emptying the baby dresser from K's closet and put things away in there. I think that will give me a better feel for what I have and what I should look at buying, if anything. Although, if it stays this hot, we won't need clothes for this kid, since its so stinking HOT I'll leave him or her to run nakey in a dipe as much as possible.
As for me, well, I guess I'm ready mentally. There doesn't appear to be much I need to do at this point, although I suppose I should grab some sweats and such for kicking around the hospital and things like that. There are all kinds of lists out on the web of things you "have to have" in the hospital and so on. I think, as long as I have a book or something and clothes and my camera, well, most everything else should provide itself. I don't really see a need for much else other than the baby outfits and such.
The kids, well, I need to get together with my friend that I plan to have watching them sooner rather than later so they can get used to her again and her kids again so that they feel slightly more comfy at their house, as needed. Hopefully, I won't be stuck at the hospital for more than a short while, a day or less if all goes well, and therefore it would be a short overnight for them, or perhaps less if I go into labor at night (assuming I avoid the induction issue entirely).
In any case, I guess I'm not as ready as I had hoped, but I'll get there and things will work out as they always do. I guess taking 9 weeks off may not have been a wise move so late in the game, but there are really very few moments of the trip that I would trade for anything, so I now live with those repercussions. As the kids favorite movie right now, "Meet the Robinsons" preaches, I'll "Keep moving forward" and it will all work itself out!
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