Battle for baby

So the battle rages on, and a healthy baby is the "prize" that we all seek. No one could argue that there is any ill intent or ill will on either side, just a disagreement as to what the "right" thing to do might be. I don't pretend to be overly brave or sure of my position because of some study or statistic, but rather I am comfortable where we are because I feel baby within me, moving and stretching and growing each day and because in my heart I don't feel that either of us are ready for this baby to be earthside.

Doc on the other hand, is honestly not coming from a place of evil or negative intent, rather I think she is approaching the subject from a position of fear. She is truly afraid that allowing a mom who is diabetic to carry a baby to term places a higher risk of "unexpected fetal death." Perhaps the statistics bear this out to be true, however those are theories and ideas based on studies, and not based on THIS baby or THIS instance. THIS baby is moving and growing and THIS baby's heart is pumping (as I hear for hours twice a week).

While I respect and understand her fears, I don't share them and I refuse to allow them to become a part of MY reality because I don't like to live my life and base my decisions on fear. There are a million things out there that one can fear and I just don't feel like childbirth can or should be one of them. Childbirth and pregnancy is not a medical condition, but rather a part of life and a part of life that people have been actively engaged in (thank Goodness) for many years.

Some things that struck me as odd in our conversation today include the fact that Doc admits she would not be requesting, much less insisting on induction if I were not diabetic, and that she would, in fact be hesitant to allow induction in conjunction with my quest for a VBAC. She also said that she feels my chances of a VBAC, even if conditions are unfavorable in general for induction, are still good because of my medical history. In my mind these two statements do not mesh and cannot coexist on the same page because diabetes and VBAC have virtually nothing to do with one another (Other than, perhaps a higher failure rate of VBAC due to larger babies due to diabetes). Either one is willing to induce regardless of VBAC status or one is not. To my mind, there is some level of dissonance in the logic that cannot be explained.

Doc wanted to do an amnio this week to determine lung maturity. Again, this doesn't make sense to me, because if the lungs are mature, then there is no need for an amnio. If the lungs are not mature, and the amnio initiates labor, then you are simply knowingly creating a situation in which you are initiating the birth of a baby who is not ready to be born, to see if baby is ready to be born. Dissonance.

After 39w, Doc said that an amnio will not be done because by that point, baby will be ready to be born and the odds of lung immaturity at that point are no greater than if baby were born at 40w (term). She asked for an amnio next week, so that we can induce at 38w, but again I just don't see where this makes sense.

So, for now, I stick to my guns, armed and ready for battle to keep this baby until BABY is ready to arrive, not simply until doc is ready and afraid to no longer allow nature to take its course.